healing a broken heart

11 years ago my heart was broken. 

on September 30, 2003, we gave birth to our first daughter. she was stillborn.

how does someone recover from heartache like this? i never thought i would. i never thought the tears would stop. i never thought i could go on. i never thought i would survive another day and not wake up feeling and hoping that the sadness and despair i felt was just a bad dream.

Heavenly father has promised us that he would not leave us comfortless. that the Holy Ghost would be put on this earth to bring comfort and peace. 

I felt of the Lord's promise as we navigated this difficult trial 11 years ago.

there were so many tender mercies that were sent our way that reminded me of my Heavenly Father's love. So many little things that kept me going that re affirmed to me that the Lord is mindful of me and my family and he was carrying us through this trial. That His heart was breaking along with mine.

The Savior's atonement brought me through this time. I was able to feel peace. I knew that this would not be the last time I held her in my arms. I knew that one day my arms and heart would no longer feel empty. I knew I would see our sweet baby again, that she would be part of my family and that our family would be whole and complete. Knowing of the Savior's atonement has brought me the peace and comfort I need to even continue on today. 

I still miss her. I wonder what she would have looked like. What her personality would be. What would her demeanor and temperament be like. Who should would have felt closest with in our home.

But i know these answers will come. I know that, because the Savior was resurrected, that ALL of us will be resurrected and I will have that relationship with her that my heart still yearns for.

I am so grateful to my Savior who fills the heartache. I'm grateful to know that death is not the end. I'm grateful to know that I will have the eternities to be with my whole family again. That we will be whole and complete. No more heartache or tears. But pure and complete joy.

love you little miss.

last days of summer

enjoying the last days of summer

$60 bucks at the market

 new swing set

 playing in the rain 

 fhe park and ice cream

thanks you sun for sharing your rays with us

hand, foot and mouth

have you or your kids ever had this? it's horrible.

b got the worst of it.

it starts with crazy sores in their mouth. so bad that every time they would eat they would grab their throats and cry. it was heart wrenching.

then their hands and feet got a weird rash, wish then developed into blisters. B woke up crying one morning and his feet were so sore he couldn't even walk on them. i carried him almost everywhere.

a week after all this, his feet started peeling. huge chunks of skin had to be cut off on a nightly basis. it's gone on for two weeks. still peeling now.

it's a long crazy virus.

if you ever come into contact with this, run away. run away.

pre school

this cutie started preschool. so. excited!

me, not so much. if i had my way they'd never go to school. or anywhere for that matter.

he was so excited. 

he kept saying i'm all set. i'm ready.

on the way over i was giving him some pointers (be nice, share....) he said, 'i got it mom, i got it.'

so big. 

and were back in session

school has started again.

these kiddos were sad to see summer end. we had such a great summer with family, hard to get back into the swing of things.

 sporting their new shoes.

 headed into school

 this little gal is so social. before i even got up to the drop off point, she saw one of her friends and ran out of the car to go say hi. G, on the other hand, still wanted me to walk him in. i expected nothing different. it's funny how kids from the same family all come with such different but great personalities.

heres to a great year!

family pics

while in utah we got some family pics taken. 

i really do love how they turned out.

better than i thought. it's always tricky trying to get 7 people looking fairly ok at the same time, let alone trying to do it with extended family. 

 love this one with grandparents and grand kids

 this one is heartbreaking to me. poor G. he was done. we told him he was done. then we sprang another few pics on him. he was devastated. he only had so many smiles to give, then he was done. he was trying so hard not to break down. he did great.

 the people we love and miss so much!

camping

every year since we have lived in the east, we have gone camping with our friends. 

this year, the weekend before school started, we finally made it happen.

the girls loved helping unload the firewood

 they loved finding bugs

 g found this huge leaf

 so did j, who made hers into a hat

 we managed to get a hike in. it rained a lot. the trail was an old logging trail from the 1800's, so we basically hiked up a small river bed. it was wet-but the kids loved it.

 they loved looking for salamanders, they found an orange one and  a black one

 the crew on the trail

 these two are so similar in personality. they found this huge rock and scaled to the top of it

happy hikers and campers.

we managed to stay mostly dry despite the rain.

we had  a bit of a hard time when we tried to hook our trailer on. lots of mud and a minivan doesn't make for great traction. luckily our friends helped out and we all made it home safely.