Lucie

September 30, 2003

This date is one that is the most bitter, but also the most sweet.

As September 30th approaches,

I always feel that it is the most bitter sweet day I have experienced.

I was pregnant and expecting our second child, and our first girl. We were so excited.

Our first girl.

I went into labor and we got to the hospital.

There was no heartbeat.

Our Heavenly Father had allowed her to grow inside of me,

but had needed to keep her in heaven with him.

The bitter comes from another year passing and longing to hold her in my empty arms again. It comes from feeling an emptiness in our earthly family in knowing that we aren't whole. It comes from a hole in my heart that can't be filled.

But the sweet surpasses the bitter.

The sweetness comes from knowing that I have a loving Heavenly Father who guides my path. Who knows what I need and knows what trials will help me grow the most, and supporting me through my trials. It comes from knowing that families are eternal . But most of all, it comes from knowing that there is a plan laid in place by our Heavenly Father and because my Savior died for me, I can be whole again. That the emptiness and sorrow I feel can be filled up in the love of my Savior, through His sacrifice and His love. We will be whole again. We will see our sweet little Lucie again and she will be with us again in the eternities.

This is the sweetness that gets me through the bitterness.

I think about her every day.

I miss her every, every day.

But I know I will see her again.

I feel the love of my Savior in knowing this amazing plan.

I am grateful to Him for the pain he takes from me and replaces it with love and peace.

We love you Lucie.

lady liberty

One place my kids have been so excited to see is The Statue of Liverty (as G calls it).

The other day I was watching the news and G saw someone burning flag. He looked at me and said sadly, 'mom did you see that person burning the flag? I said, 'yeah, but we would never do that. we treat the flag with respect.' To which G said, yes, and we always put our hand over our heart when we see the flag.... and the statue of liverty.'

So we had to take them.

It was incredible!

I wasn't expecting to be so awe struck by something I have seen thousands of times in books and magazines.

It was amazing, powerful, and majestic.

We took the ferry from NJ.

It was so fun for the kids to be on the boat.

K of course was nervous and absolutely certain that we would sink (when we pulled into the dock, the boat scraped a pole and K thought we were gonners. He thought the boat was splitting in half- I love this kid!).

This was the building the ferry sailed from, I loved it!

G and J brought this pair of binoculars from home.

G kept watching off the side of the boat.

He swears he saw a whale. He told me he saw water squirting up.

I didn't have the heart to tell him we were on a river...

This was the building at Ellis Island.

I loved being here.

In the 1950's my dad and grandad and nana came through here, from England, with their family of 5 kids and $600.00, to be where the church was and to help it grow.

B loved hanging out in the front pack. He is such a sweet and good baby.

Some great shots of our lady

I love the detail you can see in these two pictures.

The NY skyline is amazing.

J being a little mischevious

What could have been better than getting off the ferry and having mr. softee there to greet us.

This was a great day trip and we cannot wait to go again!

what we've been doing....

We have been trying to get a picture of this little guy smiling....

we will keep working at it.

Baking.

This little girl loves to help me make things.

Lots of times when the boys are at school, she chooses to bake things with me.

Here's some delicious banana bread.

soccer season

Soccer season is in full swing right now. I feel like it consumes most of our lives, well at least monday, wednesdays and saturdays.

The kids are enjoying it overall.

Both of these are K. He plays defense a lot.

G is a funny one to figure out.

He LOVES soccer, but when things don't go his way or he gets frustrated, he ends up crying and not playing anymore.

This little boy was the cause of one his break downs. He comes from an italian family and I think they give them their first pair of cleats before they can walk. G was so upset, he couldn't get past this little boy. The little boy scored about 15 goals in the first 15 seconds of the game (or something like that....). G was so frustrated. He went screaming off the field in hysterics because he couldn't get a goal. I tried to explain to him that it isn't about the goals, but just helping your team out and not giving up..he didn't buy it. He wouldn't go back on the field.

This was part of the break down. He had to be carried off the field.

Lets hope they don't play this team again, or if they do, let's hope G has better coping skills. Sorry little man.

losing it

no, i am not referring to baby weight sadly.

i am talking about my life.

i NEVER lose things. my keys, wallet, purse, it just doesn't happen.

until a couple weeks ago- and i lost it all. really.

we had made a trip to costco (yeah!) and the kids had fallen asleep in the car, so c stayed in with them. i took my wallet out of the diaper bag and carried it in. i had been in there about 45 minutes when i realized i was no longer carrying it. i went frantic. i was searching everywhere. retracing my steps. trying to remember where i'd been. it was no where to be found. after 20 minutes, c finally went and checked at the front desk-hooray!-it was there. ironically, one of the workers wanted to see my ID when i was picking in up. then the manager looked at her and said, 'she is the ID'.

the next day was sunday, i was crazily trying to get all 4 kids and myself ready and be out the door by 8:30 am. we did it, we went to leave, and no keys. anywhere. they were gone. i looked everywhere. i texted c, who was already at the church, he came home and got us, we were 10 minutes late. still couldn't find them for the rest of that day.

monday we went to a local amusement park. as we were walking in, we told the kids if they ever got separated from us to go to the big ferris wheel or try to find an employee of the park. we were at a pavilion having lunch with our church. we were in line, g was sitting at a table. we got our food and sat down. i looked around for g and couldn't find him. c started looking too, still no g. after about 10 minutes and starting to get a little more worried, we decided to check the ferris wheel. we walked over and there he was sitting on the steps. when i went up to him, he just said, 'i couldn't find you, so i came here to wait'. he wasn't nervous. he did this 'getting lost' thing 2 more times during lunch. after eating lunch, and going on a few rides, one of which i went on was a roller coaster, took my glasses off and put them under my leg. lifted off the seat and lost my glasses, then we took a bathroom break. i was holding b outside the bathroom. c took j and g in with him. we were right by an arcade, k went in while i waited outside. c came out, we saw a friend from church, talked for a minute, c went into get k-only k wasn't there. he wasn't anywhere to be found. we searched for about 10 minutes. i was getting really worried. he's not the kind of kid who just walks off. he usually stays right by me. some other friends from church saw us and helped look too, still no k. it had been a good 20 minutes that we had been looking. i was starting to get really panicked. i was trying to find c (who coincidentally had misplaced his phone) to tell him i was going to check my the ferris wheel (it was a long shot, because we were really far from the ferris wheel and i didn't think K would make the trek by himself), as i was looking for c, i see two security guards walking towards me with k. i think my heart started beating again. here's what the problem was; there were 4 entrances to the arcade, k went out a different one than he came in from, he didn't see us when he came out. he went to find help. he stopped one employee of the park who wasn't helpful at all, the second one called security and they brought him back to me. we decided to leave after all the days excitement. as we got in the car, i saw my keys strapped to the seat belt with my carabiner.

joyous weekend. all that was lost was found.

buffalo friends

Some of our friends from Buffalo stopped by a couple weeks ago on their way home from the beach.

Oh, it was SO good to see them.

We love having visitors.

my friend t was sporting this great new hair cut, i love it

k and his friend

It was so great to have visitors!

Thanks for stopping by!

35

i say this with much trepidation. i think mostly because i can't believe it.

but i turned 35.

i don't know why, this one has been a hard one for me to swallow.

i think its because in my mind i'm frozen at 24. i remember being in yw and when i would see my leaders who were 35, i would just think 'they are so old'.

now i'm there.

i don't feel that old.

i always told myself i would embrace every year, that each year adds to your character and builds who you are. this year, i am trying, it's just been harder getting there.

anyway, here's 35 things about me you may or may not know.

1- i LOVE my family

2- i Love C more than I ever have. he is my strength and my best friend. i love laughing with him.

3- i have been to both disneyland and disneyworld and love both, but disneyland holds the top spot for me

4-i love chocolate, not any chocolate, but good chocolate (usually european)

5- i love to watch soccer, indoor and outdoor

6-i always wanted to take gymnastics but never did

7- i HATE bats

8- and moths

9- i am horrible at video games

10- i LOVE to travel-i always tell C, that it's my hobby

11- i love being with friends

12- i enjoy exercising

13- i like to sew (i'm not great, but i can do a few things)

14- i love having a girl in the family and seeing her differences from the boys

15- i love having boys and feeling their enthusiasm

16- i have always wanted to go to the Seychelles islands

17- i am a mormon and it has shaped the person i have become

18- i love to ride my bike

19- i should scrapbook more often, i might start doing digital to make my life easier

20- i love fall

21- nothing beats a great raspberry lemonade

22-i have been to england, france, belgium, switzerland, austria, germany, mexico and other random states throughout the us... i have so many more places i want to visit

23- i love to bake

24- i cant believe i have an 8 year old

25- i love the beach

26- i love art

27- i am horrible at identifying musicians when i hear song on the radio

28- i miss my family

29- i love the beauty of pennsylvania

30- i have one sister and she is the best! we always said we should have been twins

31- my kids bring me my greatest happiness

32- i want to take a photography class

33- i love to sing in the car (not necessarily on tune)

34- i want to see the cherry blossoms in washington dc

35- i hope that my kids grow up knowing who they are and how much i love them

there you have it. 35 random facts about me.

Eight Weeks Old

Little B is 8 weeks old. I still can't get enough of him and neither can the kids.

He is the center of attention at our house.

He weighs 11 lbs. 4 oz. and is 22 inches long.

He started smiling about a week ago, but we have to work pretty hard for it which makes it even sweeter.

He loves to sit in his bouncer and try to hit the toys that dangle in front of him, on the flip side he doesn't love his swing.

He is such a sweet and calm little baby.

I could hold him all day long, he is a pure joy.

This picture makes me laugh because he looks so different, i think he was at a weird angle, but having said that, he is getting some chubby cheeks.

Such a sweet little man!

bored

I think since the boys have gone back to school J is just plain old bored.

I try to get her doing things in the day, but it just doesn't hold her attention for a long time. I am constantly finding her in different 'projects' that she comes up with.

This was her latest.

Dumping an entire bag of cereal on the counter, pouring water into 3 different containers and then distributing cereal to each container by using a lid from a water bottle.

Poor girl.

I need to get some play dates for her.

She got into my make up again (sorry, no pic), she made a mess!

Her face was covered with brownish blush.

I asked her to look in the mirror and she did and said, 'oh, that's not nice'

I reminded her she needed to ask before she got into my make up.

We will see what tomorrow brings.

Tobias Lake

We recently visited a fun place called tobias lake (or maybe it was lake tobias) either way, there isn't a lake, but a petting zoo and safari ride.

(Still being baffled by the name) it was fun either way.

in the petting zoo, the kids couldn't get over these tiny little baby goats, they loved them

On the safari. It was basically a school bus cut in half and painted to look all camouflage, it was great!

B's first safari ride, a little bumpy, but he didn't seem to mind, he even fell asleep towards the end.

(ps, isn't he just ADORABLE!?)

The loved feeding the animals, most of them would come right up to the side of the bus and eat out of your hands, buffalo included.

How cute are these. Mama and baby emus.

a new born buffalo. who knew they were orange when they were born.

it was so fun to see all the baby animals around.

the kids loved this place

med wars

A couple weeks ago, C signed up to do a race with some of his friends.

Its called med wars. It basically consists of 4 different 'loops'. Each of these loops require different physical elements, along with coming across medical scenarios and having to figure out how to solve the problem. It is held every year in a different location. This year is was close by so they decided to go.

Before the race and looking quite refreshed.

Full backpack; water, medical supplies, bike stuff, cliff bars, tent poles-CHECK!

Their first leg was a 7 mile mountain loop.

Their second loop was a whopper!

They had to carry this 4 person kayak 4 blocks to the river and than kayak upstream for about 2 1/2 hours. They had to get out of the kayak at one point and drag it upstream in chest deep water, they also had to figure out the medical problems they came across.

Not to mention it was the hottest time of the day-C got FRIED!

Row Row Row your boat

who knew this leg would take the majority of the day

C said this leg was brutal!

Their third leg was mountain biking, and then pushing this semi tire uphill about 3/4 of a mile. C started riding, (he does it all the time), but the other guys couldn't physically get the tire up the hill, so C had to get off his bike and push the tire up the hill- mostly alone. It was HARD and so HEAVY! he said that those tires are heavier than they look.

At the finish line- and still not looking all too shabby. (just a little dirty)

Glad you made it back safe.

The other guys on C's team

C said although it was SO hard, he would love to do it again

(the guy on the left ran a marathon without training,

he said med wars was ridiculously harder than the marathon).

What an adventure!

oh the filth

Whoever said boys were dirty have not met my little J.

She could get dirty in a white room.

BUT

At least she has a good time doing it.

These pants were the latest casualty but

with a good dousing of shout, they came 100% clean!

You should have seen what she looked like. I wish I would have gotten a picture BEFORE she hopped into the bath, or maybe I should have taken a picture of the bathtub when she was done.

I just love her!